Addictive tendencies...

I'm not sure if you ever stop to think & analyze some of the things you do...but today I was made aware of a specific tendency that I would label as addictive.
Before I describe the specific situation, here are some spots where an addictive tendency is present in my life:
1) Food - I love food and seem to find that I enjoy eating out of habit...or just plain old desire
2) Sports - I have a need to know what's going on with my favourite teams and just sports in general (Andrea would definitely say this is a problem!)
3) Activity - I find it hard to sit down, to slow down and at times I can't keep myself from being active
4) The need to be right - not much more needs to be said here
5) Music/Radio - this is the topic of today's discussion (see below)

I spent today in Winnipeg working. It was a normal Tuesday...at least as normal as any other Tuesday when I'm in Winnipeg visiting customers. On the way in & out of the city I enjoy listening to CBC Radio. During the day - and in-between meetings - I like to listen to a cd. Since the cd player in our car isn't working right now, radio was my only option.

After my first meeting I had a couple phone calls to return so I shut off the radio and made the calls. Immediately after the calls finished I reached to turn the radio back on. This was done without even thinking about it...completely out of habit. I smirked, and decided to leave the radio off while I continued on to my next appointment. I've been learning to enjoy silence, and thought this would be a good exercise for me to relax and enjoy the sound of the city as I drove.

Following the next appointment, I again turned the radio on - this time knowing that one of my favourite shows was on. About 2 minutes later I realized that I was only 1/2 listening to the show...if that. What was going on? Do I need to constantly have some level of noise in my life? If you were to ask my wife & parents they would answer with a resounding YES!
So I began to think of a few of the different situations where I have some level of noise in the background:
- driving in the car
- doing the dishes
- mowing the lawn & working in the yard
- running & biking
- working on the computer (this can either be music or the tv)
- this even happens when I'm sitting down to talk to Andrea (horrible, isn't it?)

As I pondered this list I began to wonder if I had an aversion to silence. I've recently started a centering prayer habit that has me sit in silence for 20 minutes each morning before I go to work...and it's been incredibly refreshing. It's been a much sweeter experience than I thought...and I've begun to feel content in the silence. But what's the deal with all the noise then? Honestly, I began to think that I was addicted to having some noise on in the background. (to be truthful - when I started this post the tv was on...but I turned it off when I thought about what I'd be writing)

Now, there's no real health risk with this but I feel like there is an issue of awareness or focus. After turning off my radio today I almost rear-ended someone near Osborne (so I guess there may be a health risk afterall). My tires actually screeched. I mention this because I felt that if my radio had been on I would have been slightly distracted and could have been too late to hit the brake. Maybe, maybe not. Either way I was glad to have turned down the noise in the car just enough to have reacted appropriately without causing any harm.

This isn't to say that I'll never listen to the radio in the car again. I listened to the news most of the way home today...and we're heading off to Minneapolis/St Paul this weekend and I know we'll be listening to our iPod on the way down. But this is a call for me to be aware of what's going on around and in me. If what's on in the background is only of marginal interest to me, it's time to let go, to un-plug, to be present to the moment that's in front of me...and to not do things strictly out of habit.